Raffaello Sanzio da Urbino (1483-1520)
Where do I even start about his man? Everybody knows who he is. Everybody loves him, minus the Pre-Raphaellites but their paintings were more influenced by this stud than they might think. If you wanted to pretend you have culture, then you’d better be able to identify his Madonnas from Giulio Romano’s.
And here’s why I’d skip the portrait and get straight to the bedchamber:
1) He died from a night of “vigorous exertion” with his mistress. That is something to brag about to St. Peter.
2) Has a teenaged mutant ninja turtle named after him, and it’s the brooding angsty one. Teenage angst is just beautiful.
3) His obsession with beauty of form and body. He could make the awkwardest of positions look easy. Think of the implications of that in a bedroom.
4) There’s a brotherhood created specifically to destroy what they saw as his baneful influence on art. Man had enemies 300 years after his death. Haters gonna hate.
5) Always recorded to be polite, kind and mild mannered, unlike the OCD and anger problems of Michelangelo. So he was talented, sexy, sweet and possibly liked puppies or something. Sounds like my kinda guy.
6) Painted Pagan philosophers, in the Vatican. I dunno about you but the Catholic church sounded like a pretty sweet deal back then, especially if Raphael was hanging around in the palace. Naughty Catholics are hot no matter what sex they come in.
Oh yes, Raphael, paint me.
Kay, I’m trying to branch out into every era but my specialty are Renaissance, late Georgian and Belle Epoque, so guys need to suggest some for me. I’ll even write a list for them!